Changed In His Presence
I sometimes think about the woman I was 9 years ago before my return to my faith. Looking at her is not an easy thing because she is not a pretty picture, at least her soul isn't. Outwardly all looked well; she held a good job, had some decent friends, and a family who loved her. Inwardly however, there was just death and destruction caused by years of guilt and shame over sins she was too proud and too scared to confess. This shame and guilt had number her to life as it was meant to be lived.
Then one day a dear friend invited her back to the faith she had abandoned, but not only to the faith's rituals and beliefs, but to the One who sought a relationship with her and could heal her of all that shame and guilt.
This woman, who knew of Jesus her entire life, never really knew Him. When she admitted her guilt, she came face to face with Him. From that moment she knew her life would never be the same again; in His Presence, she was changed. He became her center, and she knew that all she would ever do from here on in would be done with Him by her side. In that moment, she vowed never to go back to the way things use to be.
It is true that our pasts are part of us and have helped to shape who we are, but we are not meant to stay there. Through Christ and with Him, we can live in the present moment and look forward to the future that awaits us~the future of eternal life with God in heaven.
I sometimes find myself reverting back to the days of guilt and shame, but as soon as I reach the door to that dark, cold cave, I find Jesus standing in the doorway; He reminds me that I don't have to go back to the way it use to be and He reminds me of the promise I made to Him on that day nine years ago to live for Him and with Him.
I heard this song by William McDowell last night at a prayer group meeting. It fits in nicely with what I have said here and with the road my life has taken; the road walked with Christ by my side.
So turn this one up, put your hands together, get on your feet and let's praise the One in whose Presence we are changed.
Comments
I got shivers reading this post. Very powerful. I could see myself in this post, the guilt and shame from my sinfulness kept me from returning to church even before my conversion. I remember sneaking into the back of the church a few times, just listening to the Mass and feeling overwhelmed because my soul was so sick. I thank God that He brought us both back to Him and I thank you for this beautiful post. The past can be "treacherous waters" for many of us and the Lord gave me a word last year "put your hands to the plow" and also "stop looking back". Your post brought them to mind. God bless.
I hope this comment goes through. I keep trying.
God bless.
Christopher~ the "that's just who or how I am" phrase I have always found to be an excuse for not wanting to change bad habits or for not doing what one knows one ought to do.
Mary~this one made it through! At least you could sneak into the church. I remember Saturday morning of my Rachel's Vineyard retreat~we hadn't had confession yet and there was Mass that morning. I remember grabbing one of the team and telling her that I couldn't go into that chapel. She reassured me that it was OK and to sit with her. I truly believe that moment was where God started doing some serious work with me because I shed the first tear of repentance I have ever shed. Now you can't get me out of church :)Praise God for His patience and mercy!
Victor~sometimes I think the harder we fall the more devotion we have if and when we return. Yes, God certainly got my attention.
Esther~ the devil will try to use our past sins to draw us back into his clutches which is why practicing our faith and receiving the sacraments are so important.
Thanks again for all your thoughts and comments on this one and God bless.
Yes, praise God for his patience and mercy :)
Just a PS- I sent you an e-mail about the Community blog about a week ago-not sure if you got it. If you want i can resend it.
God bless!
Thank God that he strengthens you and changed you and that Christ keeps you centered on him. You are such a powerful witness, and so sensitive to the spiritually hurting. No more shame and guilt! What great mercy! Peace to you.
God bless.
I won't go back!!! No dark cold cave for me either!
God bless you for this beautiful post!
Isn't that the best! Finding a priest who you somehow know you can unburden everything with. My first confessor upon my return to the faith was found in a similar way. He was transferred to a new parish, and I haven't found anyone like him since.
He's right about Jesus not being a finger wagger. I have learned (the hard way) that when we find ourselves reconfessing a particular sin, it is often because we haven't forgiven ourselves.
So glad you had this beautiful experience with this healing sacrament~may the grace of it linger on.
I love the image of Jesus in that doorway ... one I will not forget.
God Bless you!
The image of Jesus in the doorway to that dark place is one that has stayed with me. A friend used it in a Scripture meditation she wrote some years ago. We need Him to block the entrance to that cave because there is usually nothing good on the other side of it.
Judy, I think that the "single moment" we remember is what helps us to stay on the road with Jesus. It is a moment of true and deep conversion that gives us what we need to continue the conversion process throughout life.
Thanks for all your thoughts and comments, blessings to you all.