Friday, October 23, 2009

Godly Parents Equal Godly Teens


I wrote this post at the invitation of my friend Judy at Ben Makes Ten. (Follow the first link below to her wonderful blog)I wasn't going to post it here as it is already published on Judy's blog, but decided to go ahead and post it here as well as it is a bit of a follow up to my previous post A Plea To Parents. Some of this post repeats what I said in that first post, but it also expands on it as well.

Godly Parents Equal Godly Teens

This article came about after I responded to a post titled Raising Our Teens on Judy’s Ben Makes Ten blog. She has graciously invited me here to expound on my thoughts begun in her comment box.
First, I think I should tell you that I do not write this as a parent; I have no experience in that area. I am writing as one who has worked in the field of education for the last 24 years; fourteen of those years were spent teaching seventh and eighth graders in public schools, the last 10 years I have been working for a nationally known learning center as a Director of Education. My work brings me into contact with many teens from all sorts of families from many different socioeconomic and cultural backgrounds.
The other perspective from which I write this is from that of an adult child of parents who loved me very much, but were and still are quite worldly. It is perhaps from this perspective I can speak best to parents who are raising children in these difficult and scary times.
Because of my parents’ worldliness, my sister and I were raised to be very independent women. We heard a lot of “Go to school and establish yourself in a good and stable career, then if you like, get married.” What we didn’t hear a lot of, except from the Sisters who taught us in Catholic school, was how God and our faith should be the basis of becoming who He created us to be. In looking back over where my life has led me, I believe this to be a fatal mistake because the world took center stage in my life.
I ended up leaving the Church during my college days, perhaps even before that. I went away to college. I am not so sure that this is the best thing for teens. I don’t know too many 18 year olds who are ready emotionally and spiritually to be on their own, sometimes very far from home. (I digress here, for that could be a blog post all on its own)
At the age of 24 I became pregnant, but believed I had a “choice” about whether or not to continue that pregnancy; I “chose” not. Four years later, the father of that child and I would marry, but the marriage would end 14 years later.
By God’s grace and a friend’s persistence and prayer, I came back to my faith, and found healing for the sin of my abortion.
I tell you all of this because I firmly believe that because of the lack of faith in my family life, I began to listen to the false prophets of this world who work for the Enemy and do nothing but lie. Oh, it all sounds very nice, and can even be a bit fun, but it leaves deep and lasting scars. If grace is not allowed in, it can do even worse than that.
My own experiences coupled with my experiences in working with teens has taught me much. First of all, raising teens begins the day they are born. Raising a healthy family takes exactly one more than the total number of people in that family because you must include God; without Him the chance of trouble ensuing greatly increases. Don’t get me wrong, I realize that even in the best God fearing families, children can leave and get into trouble.
What I tend to see a lot of in the students I work with is that many of them come from homes where there are no boundaries. Parents are afraid to say no when they know they should, they allow this culture to dictate how their children dress, what they watch on TV. And listen to in their choice of music, which most times is extremely immodest or just plain immoral. They want to be their children’s friends, and there is very little family time being spent~ everyone seems to be going in a hundred different directions.
If my own daughter were here with me today, she would be about to turn 21. People who have heard my post abortion witness will often ask me what I would say to her if she were here. More often than not, that question usually comes from the teens to whom I give my witness. That is difficult because at the time she would have been born, I was very far from God and my faith, so I may have followed my parents example. However, as her 21st birthday approaches, what I would tell her now would be the things that would show her that before being my child, she is God’s first, that He has a plan for her life and that she will only be happy following that plan, not mine, not even her own. I would tell her that while I love her more than anything, her Heavenly Father in the person of His Son, Jesus, loves her more than I or anyone ever could. I would go on to explain to her what a gift her femininity is and that only the man she marries is entitled to that gift, if that is the vocation God is calling her to, and that within that vocation is the openness to the gift of new life. I would let her know that I am always praying for her, but that she too needs to pray so as to know what God is asking of her. Finally, I would tell her to guard her heart and her senses because there are many who will try to lead her astray, even those who seem well meaning.
I will end this article by telling you that none of this is meant to cast blame on my parents. I truly believe their intentions were good, but misguided. All I want to do is give you my own experiences. Take what you will from it. As I said in a blog post I wrote, parents need to be on their knees praying for their children. They also need to be praying with their children.
The one thing I definitely know to be true is that children of every age learn by example. Show them that you and your husband love God and each other. Go to Mass/Sunday Services as a family and eat dinner as a family. Make sure it is your good and faith based example they are learning from, not the world’s superficial and dangerous one. These are some of the building blocks of raising healthy, Christian teens.
I thank my dear friend Judy for this opportunity to share my views and experiences concerning this all important topic. We need more couples like her and her husband who draw their strength and wisdom from the One who is the source of all strength and wisdom. Their family, while I am sure they have had their ups and downs, is living proof of what results when you allow God to rule and reign in your lives.
God bless all of you and your families!

Related Post: A Plea To Parents

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10 comments:

Mary333 said...

God bless you for writing this! Michaela is only six but this post contains good advice for parents everywhere. Thank you.

Karinann said...

Thank you, Mary. In my humble opinion, it's never to early to begin. I'm glad you found the post helpful.
God Bless!

Gabriella said...

This is really well written and it surely is a great testimony on the importance of teaching children, and teen-agers, by example.

I'm glad it's been published on Benmakesten's blog as many parents visit there for problems with their children.

The most important thing we can teach our children is the love of Jesus, His Church and His sacraments. Faith is the only comfort in our lives, in good and in bad times :)

Anne said...

Wow! Excellent post! "Guard your heart" is something I've heard before and stays with me. In fact, Elena Fountain of Elias just had something on this subject yesterday. It's hard to understand and hard to do, but so vital for everyone, regardless of age.

Thank you so much for this heartfelt post Karinann!

Karinann said...

Gabriella, Thank you for your kind words. I'm glad Judy asked me to write this as well, her blog is a great resource to parents, especially those who home school.

Anne, I agree, guarding our hearts and getting our kids to do so is hard, but if we don't, the enemy gets in.

Thanks everyone, for your encouraging words here.
God Bless!

Elizabeth Mahlou said...

I would like to share a disturbing incident relative to this post. I teach catechism to teenagers (first year confirmation), and at the beginning and end of every class, we pray as a group. Once last year, we ran over a little bit and were just about to start the prayer when a parent came in to pick up her daughter. When I told her we were just about to begin our prayer before breaking up and asked her to join us, she looked startled and said, "No, no. I will just wait outside." That sent such negative shock waves through the group, and I am still befuddled by the response or how I could have handled the situation better. (She waited outside.)

Karinann said...

Elizabeth,
I agree, this is disturbing. You seem to have hit a nerve with her-almost like she may have been trying to "hide "from God. (Lots of reasons for feeling the need to do that-I won't speculate) The fact that she let her daughter stay is reassuring though.
Thanks for sharing this.I don't know if you knew her well enough to perhaps chat in a non-threatening atmosphere after class or another time.

~ Judy ~ said...

I thank you again Karinann for this beautiful piece which I KNOW has blessed many already and will continue to do so for a long time (a blessing of the permanence of cyberspace, yes?)

As to poor Elizabeth's encounter with the parent not willing to pray...I would offer this small advice: Perhaps, in the future, when presented with a similar situation...instead of asking "Would you like to join us"...state it in a more authoritative way such as: "Oh hello! Well... we were just about to pray...so you may join us by bowing your head in silence or praying aloud with us"....this sort of removes her chance of "escaping" to the hallway...but also allows her to remain silent if she does not want to pray out loud...as Karinann said, at least she has allowed her child to pray...

I do find though...as we have stated several times throughout these discussions...that teens are SOOOO perceptive...and that negative example from a parent will have a (most likely) negative effect on the class (even if it is a subliminal one)

Perhaps having a small meeting of parents before Sacramental prep begins...discussing these ideas...and guiding them as to what appropriate behavior will be expected if they enter the classroom...this way...if they don't want to pray...they know NOT to come in to begin with.

Thanks Karinann...for allowing us to keep up this important conversation.

Gabriella, I sure would LOVE to see a post from YOU on this topic!!! (I'd be happy to publish that as well!)

Karinann said...

Judy,
Thanks for adding some good suggestions here. I love the lively discussion this piece has initiated. I'm glad you suggested I do it.
Your turn Gabriella :)

Suzywoozy said...

Nice post... I am blessed that my parents have done this for me- prayed for me, prayed with me, and told me that only Christ can be the foundation for my life. We are also part of a catholic community that is trying to teach parents this same lesson...

Suz

Closing Prayer

Psalm 45: Canticle of Love to the King

My heart overflows with a good theme;
I address my verses to the King;
My tongue is the pen of a ready writer.
You are fairer than the sons of men;
Grace is poured upon Your lips;
Therefore God has blessed You forever.

Gird Your sword on Your thigh, O Mighty One,
In Your splendor and Your majesty!
And in Your majesty ride on victoriously,
For the cause of truth and meekness and righteousness;
Let Your right hand teach You awesome things.
Your arrows are sharp;
The peoples fall under You;
Your arrows are in the heart of the King’s enemies.

Your throne, O God, is forever and ever;
A scepter of uprightness is the scepter of Your kingdom.
You have loved righteousness and hated wickedness;
Therefore God, Your God, has anointed You
With the oil of joy above Your fellows.
All Your garments are fragrant with myrrh and aloes and cassia;
Out of ivory palaces stringed instruments have made You glad.
Kings’ daughters are among Your noble ladies;
At Your right hand stands the queen in gold from Ophir.