Growing In A Mother's Love
One of my favorite memories of our Blessed Mother is from my childhood. As a little girl going to Catholic school, I remember looking forward to the May Crowning of Mary each spring. If my memory serves me correctly, it was always a second grader who had just made First Communion who was chosen. The year I made my First Communion I got to crown our Blessed Mother. I remember being very excited about this. Our parish had a lovely little grotto where Our Lady was enshrined. (She is still there) This little shrine was one of my favorite spots on the parish grounds; even once I graduated 8th grade, I would purposely take a slight detour on my walk to highschool so I could pass this beautiful place on my way.With all of these wonderful memories, you would think that my relationship with our Blessed Mother would be an extremely close one. The truth is I struggle with my devotion to Mary. Don't get me wrong, I believe everything the Church teaches about her, but I just don't have that "run to mamma" feeling. This may be due to several factors: It could be a reflection of my difficult relationship with my earthly mother, or it could be the 20 some odd years I spent away from my faith, or perhaps it was all of the guilt and shame over the things I had done that not only offended our Lord, but offended her as well. It is probably some of all of that; I really don't know. However, I do know this ~ Our Blessed Mother is greater than all of that!
When I returned to my faith almost 7 years ago, I did begin saying the Rosary again, but it has been a struggle; I'll be honest ~ I just don't like to do it. What I have come to realize in these last few years is that Jesus gave us an awesome gift in giving us His mother. So as Fr. John Corapi would say, "If she's good enough for Him, she's good enough for me."
Because I know that the only thing our Blessed Mother wants to do is to bring me closer to her Son, I persevere in my relationship with her. I know and believe the power the Rosary contains, so I try to say at least some part of it each day.
Slowly over time I am beginning to see and experience her motherly love for me. She has never given up on me, even when I gave up on her and her Son. It is probably no coincidence that the day I made the decision to return to my Catholic faith was May 31st ~ the feast of the Visitation!
Like Elizabeth, I find myself echoing the words, "Who am I that the mother of my Lord should come to me?" (Luke 1:43)
While I have found my devotion to Mary to be less than I'd like it to be, I believe that she will work with my desire to love her more deeply. Like any good mother who loves her children, there are days she calls me to task on things, and days that she knows that I just need to be held. She does both with the complete love of which only she is capable. Thanks, Mom!
"O Mary conceived without sin, pray for us who have recourse to thee."
Comments
Thank you so much for sharing this and for being so candid about your relationship with Mary. In my own life, I've found that Mary creeps in when I least expect her ... and she often shows up when I'm feeling the most broken down. Don't be afraid to let her into your sadness from the past. Like most moms, she knows how to kiss those boo-boos and make them better! :)
Re. the rosary: sometimes, I find that praying just one decade and making it really meaningful works best for me. Also, sometimes I offer up a particular intention for each bead (I'll pray for ten moms I know; or for ten of my students; etc.).