Companions For Another Year
I chose my saint for this year or I should say she chose me~ again. It seems St Anne wants to be my companion for another year. I was tempted to put her name back in the mix and choose again, but then thought better of it. Actually there were several reasons I did not pick again.
For one thing I was the last to choose at our monthly prayer meeting, but more importantly, I think that this saint, mother to Our Lady and grandmother to Jesus, has some more she would like to teach me about motherhood.
I think St Anne knew a thing or two about being mother to someone whose mission went far beyond the earthly realm. Our Lady was destined for a huge role in Salvation History by being chosen to be Mother to God's beloved Son.
My own role as mother is not an earthly one but a spiritual one. Those of you who have been regular readers of this blog know that I am post-abortive. My daughter is in heaven, so in some ways I am mother to a saint. The reality of the situation is that she takes better care of me than I ever did of her. There are times that this beautiful but harsh fact cuts very deep because I know that this is not how it should be, and in those times I find myself wanting to reject the role of spiritual mother because I feel that I do not deserve that title given what I have done.
However, I think God through St Anne is trying to show me otherwise. True, I may not deserve motherhood, but it has been given, and it is a gift. I am sure that St Anne and St Joachim, when praying for a child, never thought that their little girl would be chosen as the most Blessed Mother of all.
I am in no way comparing myself to this saintly woman, but I do think there is a distinct and important reason she has chosen to spend another year with me.
I still have a lot to learn about accepting~graciously and humbly~ the gift of being a mother, and who better to learn this from than St Anne. OK well maybe Our Lady herself, but I think her lessons for me are ongoing.
Comments
You must have been shocked when you picked her name :)
For you to pick St Anne two years in a row out of all those saints is definitely God's hand. St. Anne must have been a very great saint indeed to have been given the job of raising Mother Mary. Plus, she's Jesus' grandmother! Amazing when you think about it, isn't it? You must feel blessed :) I'm sure your daughter is so happy with the work you are doing here on this earth to bring God's love to others! God bless you, Karin!
I would venture to say here, Karinann...that those feelings of being "undeserving" are a very special part of your spiritual growth; and, truth-be-told, this same harsh reality comes to me (and others, I'm sure) at times too...Knowing my own heart and the sins I've committed in life...sometimes my own "undeserved-ness" hits me like a ton of bricks...but whether this comes to a woman, like you, whose only given child is with the Lord, or a woman like me, who is surrounded by her children on earth...it brings us both to the same point; which lies in the realization that "LIFE IS A GIFT"...and so too, "motherhood".
NONE of us deserves it Karinann...I offer these words to encourage you because I know how difficult the road can get when we are haunted by the sins of our past...what I'm trying to say (and not very articulately, so forgive me) is: One woman is no more undeserving than the next, no matter her past...NONE of us deserves to be a mother...and each of us must learn to accept this gift with humility, in the hopes, that like St Anne, we too will surrender our children to the plan God has for them...in this life, and the next.
Thank you so much for your kind, encouraging and honest words. They mean more than I can ever express here.
Life and motherhood in all their forms,are truly gifts to be accepted with humility and gratitude. This becomes clearer to me as God continues to heal me.